Have Fun With Your Preschooler!
If you are the parent of a preschooler, you are probably hearing a lot of, “No!” and “I can do it myself!” as your child starts to want to be independent. At this age, your child is learning new things every day, and you can support his development by letting him make some small decisions, doing fun activities, and helping him explore new things! Tips for spending time with your preschooler
• Give your child choices. If you ask your child what she wants to wear that day, you are probably setting yourself up for a morning of tantrums when she picks out a sundress in the middle of winter and you have to say no. Help your child make some small decisions by giving her options, such as choosing between two outfits or between cereal and toast for breakfast.
• Let your child try. Be patient with your child, as it may take many tries at tying his shoes before he can finally do it himself. Buy clothes that your child can easily put on and take off by himself. If he becomes frustrated, help talk him through a difficult task, and praise him when he completes it. Most importantly, remember that a sense of humor can turn a stressful moment into a fun one. If your preschooler refuses to put on his coat, put it on the dog – the distraction and laughter may make him put it on right away without a fuss!
• Say what you mean and mean what you say. Preschoolers need clear directions. For example, saying “I see you put some toys away, but I’d like it if you put the rest in the toy box” tells her what you want her to do and reinforces good behavior, whereas saying “this room is still messy” is not as specific and is negative. Also, preschoolers need limits. Let your child know what to expect and what is expected of her when it comes to small chores that she can and should do, and consequences for when she doesn’t listen.
• Think outside the box. Your preschooler is active and always needs to be busy doing something, but you don’t have to go far to think of things to do. Preschoolers have good imaginations and like to use them. Play dress-up with your child, get out some paper and crayons and make a book, or just take a walk! All of these things will keep your child busy, help him learn, and be fun for both of you!
• Help your child transition. At this age, children still need to know what to expect from their day. Even with a regular routine, your child still needs time to adjust to different things in the day, such as being dropped to school. You can make these times easier by talking him through them. For example, tell him he has ten more minutes to play before it’s time to leave for school, and reassure him that you will be there to pick him up after rest time is over at school.
• Talk and read to your child. The best way to support your preschooler’s learning and spend quality time with her is to have a conversation with her and read to her. Take advantage of things like car or train rides to talk about your child’s day and discuss your surroundings. Take your child to the library and help her pick out some books that you can read together. And of course, make reading part of your child’s bedtime routine, even if she asks for the same book every night. You’ll see that this might even become your favorite part of the day!
Parents often forget that a toddler’s social behavior is motivated not only by a desire to avoid displeasing others (especially parents), but also by a genuine desire to please. All too often, parents offer behavioral guidelines only in negative terms. If you take the time to praise good behavior often enough, your child will eventually make an effort to repeat it. Like all toddlers, your child needs to be allowed to explore her environment. This exploration is part of her growing independence, confidence, and separation from you. (Don’t worry, your child won’t separate too much for many more years to come.) If you want your toddler to make the most of her early adventures, you’ll need not only to provide her with the opportunity to make new discoveries, but actually to encourage exploration and experimentation. Constantly having to tell your toddler “No!” will do exactly the opposite. It pointedly discourages your child from exploring her environment-at least parts of it. In addition, the sternness and suddenness with which you say, “No!” will probably frighten your child. Many toddlers burst into tears, falling apart whenever their parents say, “No!” In general, your toddler doesn’t like to do anything that displeases you. Oh, your child certainly has a will of her own. And when push comes to shove, your toddler would much rather get what she wants than sacrifice it for the sake of avoiding your displeasure. Nonetheless, conflict with you, a clash between your desires (for her safety, for example) and hers (for free reign) is very scary for your toddler. It feels dangerous to displease you. In your child’s mind, the thought of your disapproval is equated with rejection, and therefore intensifies any abandonment fears. So try to avoid saying, “No!” all of the time. Whenever you do say it, follow up by comforting your child. Explain in concrete terms why you wanted your toddler to stop doing what she was doing (danger to herself, danger or harm to others, and so on). Above all, emphasize that even when you get angry at her, you still love your child. Toddlers, so richly anchored in the present, often have a hard time realizing this.
