Most parents at some time or another will have that eye-opening experience that comes when they realize their kids are master manipulators who are pushing their buttons to get what they want. Of course, this realization can dawn on some parents when their kids are toddlers, and others may not hit this moment until their kids are elementary age or beyond. Sometimes you may even think you nipped the issue in the bud months or years ago only to realize that your kids have found a new and improved way to get what they
want out of you.
Identifying Manipulative Behavior in KidsSo just how can you spot manipulation in your kids?
Here are some things to look out for:

  • Temper tantrums and whining. You may think that temper tantrums and whining are just for toddlers, but this behavior is pretty common in older kids, too. You only have to ground your child from a sleepover, party, or other event or take away their phone to see that kids will whine and throw tantrums at all ages. The purpose? To make you feel guilty about whatever punishment you just doled out, or even if you simply said “no” to something they wanted. The pitfall for parents, of course, is that more often than not it does work as planned to make us feel guilty.
  • How many times do you say no? If you find yourself saying “no” to a request over and over again, your children are indeed trying to manipulate you. Whereas whining and tantrums bring on guilt, this repeated questioning tactic serves to wear you down. They want to annoy you so badly that you inevitably give in. If this behavior persists in your kids, it’s because this form of manipulation has worked for them in the past, and they have learned if they ask you enough times you will change your tune.
  • Raising a lawyer. If it has ever crossed your mind that your children are going to grow up to be lawyers, it’s no doubt because they have been known to use logic and reasoning to manipulate you. They ask you why you won’t give in to their request, and they come up with a whole slew of responses about why you should reconsider.
  • ‘What did your mother say?’ Another common ploy is to either pit one parent against the other or to ask another parent if they don’t like what the first one said. If you often tell your kids something only to hear, “What did your mother say?” coming from the other room a few minutes later, this is yet another form of manipulation.

Often, when you become aware of the fact that your kids are attempting to manipulate you in one way or another (or sometimes in multiple ways at once), you can work to end the behavior.

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